things change

things doesnt goes like what it used to be lately..

this feeling doesnt feel right to me at all..

izit everythings used to be change?

frankly, im disappointed..

disappointed on what i did..

am i expect too much?Obviously.

i wish i could be optimist..

but i couldnt in this situation..

please show me some cares..i seriously need it..

and i need you..

comprehending

i felt sorry and im guilty about it..
it's all totally my fault..
i have felt bad about what happened..
i knew im a mess,ruined everythings up..
frankly,im the one most dont want to see all this happen.I swear..
thanks for being honest and telling me the truth of ur feelings..
tears it doesnt matter..try my best to be a better one..=)

tolerancy

im not blaming you and please stop apologize to me..

you know i dont wan nothing but you..

im not demanding for you to be here with me..

perhaps, a respond to me which could make me feel safe and comfort is that hard?

i just want you to be there when i need you and its ok if you cant make it..

these had ruined my day and im really sick of all these..

my voice

this feeling is awesomely suck..
been abandoned by him again..
said u will always be by my side but where are you when i need you?
ur words just like a million knife that strike straight to my heart..
you never know how hurt is that to me especially when its from ur words..
you should noe that its all because of you..
but you never seems to care and it become my fault to have this mood in turn..
can you please take a few second to figure out what is on my mind? is that hard?
i found this is much more cruel to me than pretending..

shouldnt be so real coz no one will actually care about it..
depression why are you so loyal to me?

searching on going

im started to regret..

i've been seacrhing all around but end up disappointed..

i shouldnt hesitate at the 1st time..

can i turn back the time?

i wish i could..

miracle please happen on me..

i freaking need it but im tired..

happy is wanted

between the lies and jokes..

which is the best to make things looks beautiful..?
im having a hard time to take one of it..
i smile like nothings wrong, but the paths i gone through no one will know perhaps..
saying "im fine" is always a common lies..
i really fed up of pretending myself..
how i wish i could tell "im not fine" boldly..
always wanted be a tough one or something like cold blooded being more than a weak nor fragile one..
always blaming myself wasn’t done perfectly in life..
in fact, i was a very extreme person..
have my days happy is my motto..

011110

011110.

January 11, 2010.

today’s date is a palindrome..

do something reverse-forward..

wear something reversible..

Uhh..

change

afterall..it just an empty shell..
goin to be 20 soon..
realise actually im not that grown..
dunno a single shit basic things in life..

been so long for living but i got learn nothing at all..
im a... nit say it all..
i would like to thanks to whoever willing to grab a knife and stab into me but without pain..

or can i ask for doomsday by tomorrow?

this feeling is totally unpleasant to me..

i never been fear this much..NEVER..
thought i can face everything well as it is a problem that is mean to solve..
but no matter how strong i think i am..
there always will be a bane that she is totally can help in it..

then only knew actually i was a failure..

not that strong but weak indeed..
im so lost now, frankly..been trembling for wondering..

dont wish things ruin up coz of me myself.. it aint worth..
sometimes i just dont know why im that chump..
i got many things to tell from my inner feeling..
i wish i could be an outspoken one..
so that it wont accumulate that much..
i dare to say i never fail my telepathy..

but now i lost the ability for a sudden..

and it cost me the time to figure out hard..

i hope it is no late to learn the ways of the world..

wait me kays, as im on my way to be a better girl..

a more intelligent sensible one..

thanks you..because of you..

i begin to know the world..

inside the nothing

i wonder why things will change in 180 degree in a second..
you take away my emotion..
you have no idea how deep of sadness had engulf me now..
but one trouble follows another, the burden is kind of insane stress..
my expression was blank, it did mean something to me..
i had no idea with your pm, i could feel something inside..
i hope that wasn't the most worst of it..it's gonna be okay..
try to comfort my mind my heart my emotion whatever that i used to be..
maybe, it wont be easy..
in fact it would be down right miserable to give up the hallucinations and try to be grown up..
the mood became more unstable..
it had affected the whole veins in the body included the words i use to speak..
he seem to be the tune of my thought now..controlled my every single cells..
the whole body froze into place as i realized how much alert of the thoughts..
maybe love shouldn't be such hard work..

knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping..

you know what..i never stop missing you as im still breathing..