Still

Im taking this risk so that you realize what is lacking

and hopefully we are able to resume this relationship longer.

Not everything happens in a way you've expected and what you hope for.

suffering heartbreaks become something not in common.

reiteration

You just planted a doubt in my head..and i guess there is no turning back..

Incomplete melody

"缺憾" 也是一种美好, 只是看你用什么角度去对待.

Pain.Breathing

Tears is a reminder..

remind me of, that i love you so much..

grasp

Sometimes when life goes downhill and things get crazy..

it freak me out and make me feel like we're losing the grip on something's that really important..

so i try really hard to hold on tight to whatever we are losing, and yet i hold on a little too hard..

game over?

Regrets are a waste of time.

they are the past that crippling you in present.

so dont ask question if you're not ready to hear the answer.

happy never after

If someone ask me are u happy?

I will hesitate and ask myself back..am I happy?

jalessy

i'm sorry sometimes i get a little jealous,

thinking that someone else could make you happier than i could..

i guess it's my insecurities acting up..

because i noe that im not the prettiest,smartest or most fun and exciting girl..

but i do noe that no matter how hard and long u look..

you'll Never find somebody that Loves you like I do..

If

If you really love somebody, sacrifices would Never Ever be a burden.

puppet

im not afraid to love..

im just afraid of not being loved back..

you want your freedom you want your privacy..

as you are happy with what your demanding..

here you go..i will give it all to you..

i admit im not liberality enough in love..

or perhaps i should learn on it..

i really wish girl dont own the jealousy..

sometimes i wish im blind or deaf or whatever..

or take away my feeling my emotions..

i just dont want to feel myself so unbearable..

your judge

i dont care how people label me..

love me or hate me..go ahead..

i noe we got our own perception in judging things..

one thing i do care is how u think i am..

i care coz i value this relationship precious..

i dont noe what would u label me..

i cant change what u thought about me..

but one thing i want u to noe..

i might look tough..i might pretend like i dont care..

but im still a girl..a broken girl who need attention and care..

i dont noe am i wrong for demanding those missing part in my life..

but ur reaction tell everything..

its far more clear than the answer..

133th post

can't stop for not to go through the emoness nor moody..

i'm losing my mind for being such a thinker..

my mind would comes out lot of thought no matter it was positive or negative..

it just right there could make me tearful somemore unbearable.

i'm exactly emo in every post..

i put myself out there so much and keep on distressed..

its weighing me for having all these..

i need a relief..

dont care

do whatever you want..
never think about me..
dont try to hit me..
i’ll be smiling the happiest smile..
my feelings was unreasonable because you just dont care!

i was nothing compare to yourself..
just do as you wish..
i will be fine in some others way..

life unpredictable

life is so unpredictable..

no matter how much insurances i bought..

my life was still aint worth that value..

mine was pricelessly precious..

every next second was a hazy..

i cant see what happen next..

appreciate and grateful with what i have now..

i shall live my life to the fullest..

she is the key

she is the most cheerful girl i have seen..

with her i can laugh my lung out anytime anywhere..

there seems to be no worries when i live with her..

almost sampat everyday..

most of our memories built since the 1st day i was studied in penang..

4 of us was just like sisters..

we talk we share we laugh together..

for a period we never apart in our daily life..

for now..the angel in our heart was return to the god side..

i wish u were fine there..

really hope we still have more and more memories together..

but i just aint have this chance anymore..

i miss you my dear friend..

shall lock u in the deepest part in my mind..

those memories will never be forget coz u was the key of us..

p/s: we miss u a lots..r.i.p..

can i?

i know its funny to have this thought..

but do you ever think before how if your love one no longer here in this world one day?

can you take that? can you move on? can you survive?

i do think of it before..for me i seriously cant take it perhaps i wish i could tag along..

its funny rite? you live over a decade without him..

but with only that short period..u declare that you cant live without him..

and this tell me that how strong the power of love is..

so peoples..appreciate your love one..

appreciate with what you have..

life is too short than what u think it is..

meet-night

my babe is back..

imisshersomuch!!

happen to meet in the midnight..

sleepy but i have fun..

me and bB

those pretties

waiting

it’s just no use waiting like a fool when
i know there’s nothing to wait on..

..but i’d still wait anyway.

bear with it..

there's a kind of pain we can't ignore..
a level of pain that's so great that it blocks out everything else..
makes the else of the world fade away until all of us can't think about whether how much we hurt..
how we manage our pain is up to us..
pain, we anesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it..
and for some of us..
the best way to manage the pain is to push through it..

my fate

Sometimes i just hate to be the eldest child in this family..

i always blaming why am i the one..?

and im so sick with things that been happened again and again..

enlightened me

if today is the end of the world..

nothing is important anymore right..?

so my problems will just turn into zero..

wont care on what had happened..

i just want myself to be happy..

your truth

i reject your reality and substitute it for my own..

i accept reality and dare not question it..

if i would ask, will you answer me frankly?

April fools

i tot i wont get prank anymore

coz i told myself i gotta beware on what they say to me..

coz its April fools..

and yet i fall in the trap once again..

lizard really make me act awkward..

special thanks to melliana and fishlong..

things change

things doesnt goes like what it used to be lately..

this feeling doesnt feel right to me at all..

izit everythings used to be change?

frankly, im disappointed..

disappointed on what i did..

am i expect too much?Obviously.

i wish i could be optimist..

but i couldnt in this situation..

please show me some cares..i seriously need it..

and i need you..

comprehending

i felt sorry and im guilty about it..
it's all totally my fault..
i have felt bad about what happened..
i knew im a mess,ruined everythings up..
frankly,im the one most dont want to see all this happen.I swear..
thanks for being honest and telling me the truth of ur feelings..
tears it doesnt matter..try my best to be a better one..=)

tolerancy

im not blaming you and please stop apologize to me..

you know i dont wan nothing but you..

im not demanding for you to be here with me..

perhaps, a respond to me which could make me feel safe and comfort is that hard?

i just want you to be there when i need you and its ok if you cant make it..

these had ruined my day and im really sick of all these..

my voice

this feeling is awesomely suck..
been abandoned by him again..
said u will always be by my side but where are you when i need you?
ur words just like a million knife that strike straight to my heart..
you never know how hurt is that to me especially when its from ur words..
you should noe that its all because of you..
but you never seems to care and it become my fault to have this mood in turn..
can you please take a few second to figure out what is on my mind? is that hard?
i found this is much more cruel to me than pretending..

shouldnt be so real coz no one will actually care about it..
depression why are you so loyal to me?

searching on going

im started to regret..

i've been seacrhing all around but end up disappointed..

i shouldnt hesitate at the 1st time..

can i turn back the time?

i wish i could..

miracle please happen on me..

i freaking need it but im tired..

happy is wanted

between the lies and jokes..

which is the best to make things looks beautiful..?
im having a hard time to take one of it..
i smile like nothings wrong, but the paths i gone through no one will know perhaps..
saying "im fine" is always a common lies..
i really fed up of pretending myself..
how i wish i could tell "im not fine" boldly..
always wanted be a tough one or something like cold blooded being more than a weak nor fragile one..
always blaming myself wasn’t done perfectly in life..
in fact, i was a very extreme person..
have my days happy is my motto..

011110

011110.

January 11, 2010.

today’s date is a palindrome..

do something reverse-forward..

wear something reversible..

Uhh..

change

afterall..it just an empty shell..
goin to be 20 soon..
realise actually im not that grown..
dunno a single shit basic things in life..

been so long for living but i got learn nothing at all..
im a... nit say it all..
i would like to thanks to whoever willing to grab a knife and stab into me but without pain..

or can i ask for doomsday by tomorrow?

this feeling is totally unpleasant to me..

i never been fear this much..NEVER..
thought i can face everything well as it is a problem that is mean to solve..
but no matter how strong i think i am..
there always will be a bane that she is totally can help in it..

then only knew actually i was a failure..

not that strong but weak indeed..
im so lost now, frankly..been trembling for wondering..

dont wish things ruin up coz of me myself.. it aint worth..
sometimes i just dont know why im that chump..
i got many things to tell from my inner feeling..
i wish i could be an outspoken one..
so that it wont accumulate that much..
i dare to say i never fail my telepathy..

but now i lost the ability for a sudden..

and it cost me the time to figure out hard..

i hope it is no late to learn the ways of the world..

wait me kays, as im on my way to be a better girl..

a more intelligent sensible one..

thanks you..because of you..

i begin to know the world..

inside the nothing

i wonder why things will change in 180 degree in a second..
you take away my emotion..
you have no idea how deep of sadness had engulf me now..
but one trouble follows another, the burden is kind of insane stress..
my expression was blank, it did mean something to me..
i had no idea with your pm, i could feel something inside..
i hope that wasn't the most worst of it..it's gonna be okay..
try to comfort my mind my heart my emotion whatever that i used to be..
maybe, it wont be easy..
in fact it would be down right miserable to give up the hallucinations and try to be grown up..
the mood became more unstable..
it had affected the whole veins in the body included the words i use to speak..
he seem to be the tune of my thought now..controlled my every single cells..
the whole body froze into place as i realized how much alert of the thoughts..
maybe love shouldn't be such hard work..

knowing is better than wondering, waking is better than sleeping..

you know what..i never stop missing you as im still breathing..

im not

i dont know..

no matter was it that night things or what i have read..

it just a simply harsh to me..
i don't know whether am i too sensitive or what..

but this time was different..i felt i was a victim..

and i can feel my heart had been cut into half..

frankly, i care what they write what they say..

im saying that i was fine, but deep inside my tears i'll drown..
i never thought i was so worthless to them..
i can don't care what they say..

but i just can't stop care what you are thinking about me..

retrospection

i just realized something..

i screwed up things recently..
not to share..

not to expose the sadness..
dumb for tonight..